Doubt About Your Future?

since i was in the third grade of senior high school. i found a big difference in my class's atmospheres: more people are getting more diligent and more serious in studying. even the laziest one!!!
that's all because they really want to know what are they going to take for the next step. yep! university!
they already decided what they wanted and they liked to study and absolutely it has changed their lifes.

me not.
i'm still like some months ago. keep complaining about how suck school is and how bored school is.
if somebody asks me why do i go to school, i'll simply answer: my mom made it.
well, i want to go to medical university, but you know exactly how hard it is. blah!

if you dare ask me why i can't get serious in studying? that's not because i'm stupid (i'm not that idiot. mmm pretty much nope!) *sigh
well, i saw lots of flash in the pan. even it happens to my nearest dearest siblings. honestly they are really smart and it hurts to see them cried when they get a mail from their first option universities:

"SORRY BABY, YOU FAILED!"

okay, not exactly like that but sounds like that

yes, i'm afraid. i'm afraid of my future. what if i fail? what if i disappoint everyone? what if my dad see me fail from above? and much more what if.

I Doubt. even with God

i pray to God and i hope He will say something to me!
one day i look at the bible and thanks God he has spoken to me through his words:

Poverbs 18 : 23

"Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off"

(English Standard Version)